All posts by thatdopeblackgirl

About thatdopeblackgirl

I am a woman who has an opinion about most things. You don't have to like it or love it or even agree with it. But respect it and let's talk about it.

AmeriKKKa: Land of the Free, Home of the Mentally Enslaved!

I spend my days saving babies but imagine if I only saved the black ones. Imagine me going to the hospital and allowing a white meth addict to take her drug exposed infant home while I use every resource in my rolodex to save the little brown baby whose mother is stable, healthy and wealthy. Imagine if I turned a blind eye to the little white girl whose father has been molesting her and she cries out to me for help. I would be wrong, wouldn’t I? I save lives for a living and I don’t pick and choose who has more value because all lives are worth saving. This weekend I saw a photo floating around on Instagram of a little girl in a KKK uniform standing in front of a black police officer in riot gear. This child looked to be about 3 or 4 years old and my first thought was, if I were there I would have pushed her down. Then I had to remind myself that she is the type of child that needs saving.

We grew up being taught “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Sticks and stone may break bones but words can break a spirit. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a text from a good friend that said he choked a white man out and almost killed him because the man used the term nigger. My first instinct was to say a prayer that my friend was still alive, and not sitting in the county jail, to text me. Now let me tell you that this particular friend is so mild mannered and loves people the way I love people… unconditionally. For him to have snapped I know that he had just reached his “Fuck This,” point. The “Fuck This” point is when you have taken all that you can take and refuse to take anymore. When you get to that point where you snap and refuse to be disrespected any longer. We’ve all been there and will probably be there again. Living in a world where being Black makes you insignificant will do it to you every time. I really stared at my phone for a long time trying to think of how to respond to my friend and let him know that he is not alone in his frustrations. I was really at a loss for words because I didn’t feel bad for the man that got choked and I hoped that the experience will make him think twice the next time he wants to call someone a nigger.

I have been struggling watching the news coverage of the terrorism in Charlottesville Virginia all weekend. I have recently removed myself from most social media and disconnected my television because the world we live in sucks the life out of me. As much as I try to decompress and pretend that the world is full of rainbows and unicorns, growing up with Black skin had shown me otherwise. Living south of the Mason Dixon line the past few years has taught me that I am still a color and that nigger is still a term that cuts deep. No matter how much education I have, how articulate I am, how successful I become or how kind I am to all people I will still be a nigger to those that choose to hate and to those that were seasoned to view me as less than because I am black.

What bothers me about the United States is that the media chooses to feed into the negativity and encourage the stereotypes while ignoring anything positive that may actually bring people together. When they refer to black peaceful protesters, they are always “thugs” or “urban.” When they are talking about these white KKKlansmen, they are “white nationalist.” The media makes these white thugs sound like they are patriots doing it for the American people, as if my black ass isn’t an American. The media encourages the destruction of people and we are too stupid to recognize that the images being spoon fed to us are intentional and deliberate.

What bothers me more is the “it’s not my neighborhood so I don’t care” attitudes of black people. A post on social media and people feel like they’ve done their due diligence regarding racism, bigotry and prejudice in America, not realizing that for every social media post you make, there are three robes and matching hoods being sewn. For every “twitter beef,” started, there is a meeting being held for these hate groups on how to get rid of us all together. But what’s even worse is that behind these hoods are your teachers, doctors, police officers, congressmen, car salesmen, bankers, firefighters, attorneys and judges. They are hiding in plain sight and black people are too busy poppin ass on social media or trying to “stay woke,” rather than paying attention to what’s in our face. We are teaching our children that it is ok to be made to feel inferior because they are black and that there is nothing to do but accept it or tweet about it.

Have you ever read The Willie Lynch Letter ( It was written in 1712 and outlines the process of breaking a slave into submission for life and how they will continue to live in mental confinement and continue the cycle of inferiority for hundreds or thousands of years. There was a time when we had great leaders who were working on reconditioning our people to get us away from the Willie Lynch mentality. Yet the media, in the last 20-30 years, has been acting as the overseers and recreating the modern day Willie Lynch mentality. The three main parts of the process are:

  • Turning our people against one another (men against women, young against old, light against dark)
  • Breaking the black woman so that she may be dependent of the slave master and ingrain in her a fear that leads her to teach her boys to be submissive and mentally weak for survival purposes.
  • Tear apart the black family to ensure that the women and children are unprotected and boys are raised to be physically strong and mentally weak while the black man is separated from his family and emasculated because he feels useless.

If you cannot look at the black community today and realize that we are continuing the cycle (without much help) then you are roaming through life with blinders on. I see black people as being so self-centered in today’s society. Everyone is trying to advance and make money for themselves and their children. They are trying to experience the finer things in life without realizing that it all comes at a cost and that the cost is the seasoning of the black mind and the breaking of black people. Who controls the money that they are chasing? Whites. Who determines your salaries? Whites. Who decides who gets what small business loans and how many taxes are owed? Whites. Sure they may have a black poster child to make you falsely believe you can trust them, similar to the way black slaves were made overseers. These smiling black faces feel like they have attained a position of power and choose to remind those under them that they have it (pitting us against each other).

So when I see my people feeling like the incident in Charlottesville Virginia has nothing to do with them, I want them to understand that it is all a part of the process and that mentality is catalyst that allows the KKK to feel like they have the right to look us in the eyes and call us nigger, whore, monkey, tar baby and any other derogatory epithet they feel like spewing at that moment. What bothers me are the white people who swear that they are not racist yet spend all their time telling black people to get like Elsa and Let It Go! Not acknowledging the issue is the biggest part of the issue.

Our nation has come a long way, since slavery, to make it appear that we live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. However, seeing people on the television wearing hoods and robes like it’s the hottest thing on the 2017 NY Fashion Week runway is disturbing. Hearing the media call them “white nationalists” and protesters rather than using words that ACCURATELY describe them like “thug” or terrorist because that’s exactly what a group of people seeking to incite fear as a means of gaining control or power.

At some point, black people are going to have to realize that we are doing nothing more than continuing to break ourselves and season our children into that inferiority attitude. We have to learn that mental strength is more powerful than physical strength and that strengthening our minds and our spirits will make it much easier to strengthen our bodies. Once we understand this notion, we can begin to break the mental chains and embrace the need for more “FUCK THIS” moments.

An Extroverts Guide to Loving an Introvert!

Have you ever met a person that you thought was a complete bitch or a total asshole but then you get to know them and they’re nothing like you expected? The world is full of amazing people with different types of personalities.

Much can be misunderstood about an introverted person. Many people describe them as shy, quiet, loners, weird, socially inept and other generalizations that may or may not be true. Many introverts rarely show signs of introversion around their families and close friends. Mainly because they have developed a level of comfort and trust with the people they are closest to.

When entering into a friendship/relationship with an introverted person, there are some things you have to understand before determining if that level of commitment is for you.

Introverts spend a lot of time deep in thought: an introverted person takes time to think about thinks more critically than an extroverted person. When they engage in conversation, the introverts mind races much quicker, despite the fact that they are usually slower to respond. An introverted person sees most conversations as one would see an intense game of chess. They weigh all possible reactions to their words before allowing them to slip from their lips. This may not be true 100% of the time but a large portion of conversations are well thought out. The reason an introverted person thinks so critically is because an introverted person is usually highly sensitive and does not do well with being judged, chastised, criticized or ridiculed. While being sensitive is often part of an introverts nature, we are often very strong and independent people. We know how to lead and stay comfortable in the background.

Introverts need more reassurance: an introverted person can have the highest self-esteem and still crave that acceptance from others. While we crave the acceptance, being liked is not a priority. We just like to know that we are acknowledged. In relationships our partners opinion matters more than anyone else and we often overcompensate in order to get the praise we crave.

Introverted people are often very passionate and sensual people. We enjoy giving our best efforts and the reward of being successful. An introverted person truly understands that it is better to give than to receive.

Introverts do not like being the center of attention, while they are usually able to appear extremely comfortable in front of a crowd. When forced into the spotlight we could be talking about a particular subject but in our heads we are thinking “please don’t trip up these steps,” or “hope my skirt isn’t tucked into my panties” or more like my introverted brain “if I fall off this stage I hope an Idris Elba fine ass man catches me and asks me on a date!”

At the end of the day, an introverted person is not needy but they appreciate knowing that they matter. They love spending time with the people they are closest with but they also love spending time to process their thoughts.

But don’t count out an introvert because they are often strong, resilient, loving, open and very easy to get along with. They are rarely stuck up, shy or standoffish as they may appear to me.

Just know that we are worth learning how to love.

Mother Nature is a Man!

If another thing with a peen tells me to stop being dramatic about my period, I am going to scream!!! Like dude… seriously. All men have to worry about is how many pairs of gray sweatpants to buy…

How is it that a man can tell a woman that we’re being dramatic when you have no idea what we are dealing with? Oh you think it’s some cramps? A little bit of blood? Welp……. let me lay this shit out for you.

* A few days before your period you start to cry at the silliest things and Father forbid something out of the ordinary happens and you’re a crying blubbering idiot and you don’t know how to make it stop.

* Then on the day your period starts (if you’re not lucky enough to start when you first wake up) expect to feel something weird, as you rush to the bathroom praying. Now you’re in the bathroom at work or school and hopefully you have something in your purse or else you’re going to have to stuff tissue in your panties until you can find a pad or tampon.

* Now said pad will cover you from the front to the middle of your ass and may cause the equivalent of a diaper rash. Or the tampon that you have to squat to insert and hope it gets in the correct position. Then you spend all day wondering if you’re having leakage because those commercials are BULLSHIT!

* Those cramps that are supposed to be a warning…. usually don’t come until AFTERWARDS and feel like tiny little butterflies in your stomach. Nope, not the butterflies you get when you’re in lust but butterflies that have been set on fire while wearing airbrushed Jodeci boots that say “I’m Mother Nature Bitch” *insert Dave Chappell voice

* Now that second day the cramps likely subside but then you get that headache that does not go away for at least 24 hours no matter what you take (middle finger to Vicodin). The kind of headache that makes you want to drill a hole in the side of your head with a power tool.

* Can we get to the bloating that makes your jeans not fit and brings on crying spells because you feel fat and gross but your emotions are out of whack so you see a whale in the mirror? Oh… y’all don’t want to talk about that huh?

* What about the night sweats and B.O…. as if the anticipation of menopause isn’t bad enough… just make me sweat through my sheets and nap my hair up. Last night my thermostat was on 65 and I was sooooooo HOT!

* The cravings… if you don’t want to undo all your monthly fitness progress you have to fight the Chocolate cravings that will make you bite a crocodiles face off of it were dipped in chocolate. A donut will be your best love affair and then the scale will make you cry… again.

* The diarrhea that has to just run through you. No need to even elaborate.

* Oh, and your gums get swollen and you can hardly eat.

* Your breasts get tender and your nipples hurt too bad to wear a bra…. but you need a bra because your breasts are heavy and to have them hanging will hurt.

* Then finally after 4 days of being weak (because you are actually LOSING BLOOD) you’re finally done. Oh wait… yeah right because your ass will get tricked and now you’ve messed up your cute panties and favorite slacks, only to have to suffer 3 more days. God forbid you have to experience this for more than 7 days… but my personal best is 43.

And then here you men come telling us to stop being dramatic, to suck it up and  to man up!!! Y’all wonder why our heads start spinning like the exorcist and we’re ready to juug y’all in the kidney.

Keep in mind, what I described was an average, run of the mill menstrual cycle. I’ve heard stories of women bleeding through pads every hour and having to carry trash bags, adult diapers and other such foolishness because as women we know that the work must get done, the kids must be taken care of, our men must have his needs met and nothing in our world can slow down.

So the next time you overhear women talking about periods and want to tell her to stop being dramatic, get over it and (my personal favorite) MAN THE HELL UP… please understand that women have been acquitted for murder because of their periods and while a man will bitch about a sniffle… women are too busy getting the hell over it to care about y’alls opinions about our bodies!


Find Em, Fuck Em, Forget Em!

Yesterday I was talking with my good good girlfriend and we started discussing how cheaters don’t consider the emotional ramifications of their actions. As a woman, I can only speak from a female perspective. I’m not male bashing but I’m going to be real about my opinions, which are based on my personal experiences and observations. Any time someone breaks up with you, you wonder what you could have done differently but when a man consciously does something that they know could potentially end the relationship, why do we still wonder what WE did wrong? I cried a thousand rivers over my ex and wondered how I can make myself better to make him want me. It took me a long time to understand that no matter what I did, I would never be able to make him stay home because he didn’t see the value of what he had. I realized that I allowed a man with no self-esteem allow me to diminish mine.

As a woman, the first thing you think about when you get cheated on is “what did I do wrong?” We spend a lot of time trying to figure out why we weren’t good enough, if we didn’t love hard enough, if we were not pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, freaky enough, domestic enough, independent enough, emotional enough, outspoken enough, submissive enough, supportive enough and many other enoughs?

Why is it that a man can go out and stick his peena weena in a bunch of different hot pockets and we are left crying, disappointed, hurt and wondering what we did to cause this bad behavior? Internally we think about it constantly. It weighs us down, it gets into our spirit and it creates self-doubt like a big dog. More than that, it effects the way we view love and relationships and it often hinders us from making smart decisions about who we choose to build relationships with. That self-doubt and suspicion not only effects how we view the opposite sex, but it effects the bonds we build with women.

I am a woman that has never had low self-esteem and I never thought I would be the woman left asking what I did to make a man cheat, or why wasn’t I good enough to make a man stay? Now, let’s not get the game twisted… that is a natural reaction and it ALWAYS crosses your mind in the hours immediately following a break-up, regardless of the cause. I remember in my mid-twenties searching for a way to break things off with a guy that I just wasn’t compatible with but before I could formulate my approach, he dumped my ass like it was trash day. I immediately went to that “what did I do wrong place?” Despite the fact that this was a man I did not want, did not need and I knew did not deserve what I had to offer. I spent a few hours cursing and looking stupid about being left but hey, that’s natural. However, if you spend days, weeks and months with those thoughts, girlfriend you need to spend some time with yourself and rebuild your self-worth.

Men need to really understand the psychological and emotional damage that they are doing to their families when they are out here spreading their seed and measuring their own self-worth by the number of vaginas they have been inside and how many babies they can make. How does it make your women feel knowing that they are just not enough? How does it make your children feel knowing that they have siblings that they don’t know because their father is too busy chasing tail than being a man. It just seems that men get their feelings hurt (usually once when they are too young to even know what heartbreak is) and swear off doing right by all women as a result. But is it Mary’s fault at 25 years old that Linda broke your heart in the 9th grade bruh? Is it Bianca’s responsibility to pay for the mistakes of Ericka? At some point, as a man you have to learn how to manage your emotions and heal before you move on. It’s not always easy but it’s necessary. Especially if you’re the type of brother that is always telling a woman that he won’t pay for another man’s mistakes… without even realizing that he has left a string of women heartbroken and with a wet ass because of a woman doing him wrong ONE time way back when. You all see these women as angry black bitches or damaged little girls and often don’t realize that a man just like yourself has contributed to that damage.

As much as men need to get their shit together, women also have to accept responsibility and understand that you have to be able to articulate your expectations and be strong enough to walk away from the disrespect. If you accept a man cheating for years upon years with more women than you can count, why are you packing up your glad rags when he brings home an STD or a baby? You cannot give the type of mixed signals indicative of cheating as being manageable behavior but leaving when the things that naturally occur when a man is sticking a moving happens to your man. Women have to stop walking around like they are sitting on platinum pwussy and that it is going to keep a man coming home.

Ladies, you have to stop jumping from relationship to relationship because you end up dating the same man with different faces. Your problems in the relationship may be different. Randy might have been a cheater, Ronnie might have been a liar, Ricky may have been abusive but the root of their issues are usually always the same. They don’t know how to receive love and if they cannot receive love they cannot give love to anyone else. Most importantly, a person who does not love his/herself cannot possibly love you the way we all deserve to be loved.

Allowing yourself to be bitter and angry as a result of your pain is the exact same as men not caring how they treat women as a result of their pain. Healing takes time and effort but it is worth it in the end. Healing from the pain of a loss is necessary for your own growth and well-being. It’s not healthy to continually take in negativity and live with bitterness, anger, resentment and pain. Those thing kill your spirit and depletes your energy and adds to your baggage. Constantly weighing yourself down with unnecessary stress is not worth it. Why live a life of misery when you can grow through the pain and live peacefully and happily!?!


Part 1…

I strongly believe that a woman cannot teach a boy to be a man. But I also believe that a woman can teach her son respect, self worth and how to be a productive member of society. 
Today, I witnessed a mother tell me how she took a back seat to mothering her 17 year old child because she is female and he is male. I witnessed a woman tell her son that he no longer has a mother and she no longer has a son. There are too many motherless children in the world due to women choosing not to mother their children. Now I must say that this is not the first parent that I have witnessed with this mentality.
What hurt my heart was watching this 6’1, 17 year old man child cry out for his mother and tell her that he loves her. When this child looked in my eyes and asked me why his mother doesn’t love him, all I could do was hug him tightly and tell him that things would happen according to God’s plan. I watched his thin shoulders slump and heard his sobs. It made my heart break into pieces. I wanted to take this child home with me, clean him up and lift his spirit. The fact that I had to wipe his tears AND tell him to hold his held up put me in a sad space. It made me realize that there is an entire generation of children that do not know how to value themselves. 
Driving home I felt empty. I felt disgusted, disappointed and helpless. It made me realize how people really fuck children up and send them off into adulthood to try to figure out how to reverse the dysfunctions that have been ingrained in them. Luckily, some of us can recognize the changes necessary for success but the ones that can’t, don’t or won’t end up tearing through life like a natural disaster and leaving emotional damage. 
Today I don’t have the answers. Sigh…. where is the village when you need it? 

“You’re too strong of a Black Woman to be feeling this way. Get over it!”

Monday mornings I like to sit at my desk, read my Bible and journal a little. It helps me set the tone for my work week and gives me something to look back on to see my spiritual growth. This morning, I got to work a little earlier than usual so I had time to do some additional reading. I came across an article on entitled “The New Face of Depression: The “Strong” Black Woman.” (

The brief article discusses that stigma in the Black community surrounding seeking mental health services. The idea that Black women should take our problems to Jesus rather than to a stranger and that “if our people could make it through slavery, we can make it through anything” are a few of the things that bother me about being a Black woman in America. I love God more than I love myself but I understand that when your faith is shaken and you don’t feel close to God, seeking help from other sources is necessary. Depression is real and addressing it is very necessary in order to strengthen our families and be successful as a people. This article really hit home to me because I have experienced depression and I was too ashamed to speak on it. Symptoms of depression include, but are not limited to:

  • A persistent sad, anxious or “empty” mood, or excessive crying
  • Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased appetite and weight gain
  • Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain
  • Irritability, restlessness
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, feeling “slowed down”
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism
  • Sleeping too much or too little, early-morning waking
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities, including sex
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

Several years ago I experienced the worse pain I have ever felt as the result of betrayal and heartbreak by a man that I would have given my life for. Prior to the breakup I had never experienced signs of depression so I did not recognize that what I was experiencing was depression rather than heartbreak. For almost a year I cried. I cried when certain songs came on. I cried everyday on my way to work. I cried when someone said “what’s wrong Miss Ashley.” It was like I always had a pool of tears sitting in my eyes waiting to spill over. But I cried in private. I cried in my office and used Visine and wet naps religiously. I was slipping in to a darkness and did not realize that I was a few tears and hopeless feelings away from doing something drastic that would have changed my entire life.

I went through several counselors before my EAP connected me to Steve Hoekstra. People always say I’m being dramatic when I tell them that Steve saved my life. No, I was not suicidal. No, I was not homicidal. No, I did not need medication. What I needed was someone to teach me how to get through depression BEFORE I reached the point of no return. The benefit of a Christian counselor was that he helped me overcome the things I needed to in order to survive the depression but he also redirected me to God because I had lost my way.

The crazy part is, when I finally opened up and told my mother that I was going to counseling she assumed I was “playing crazy” in order to get some time off work. At that point I knew that I could not allow myself to be seen as weak so I kept everything bottled up until my weekly sessions but I will say this… I never took time off work because that was never my goal. My mother didn’t GET IT until I had a break down at work one evening and called her sobbing uncontrollably. It was at that point that she realized that something was wrong.

My friends spent all their time telling me how strong I was and how they couldn’t understand how I was keeping it together so well. Little did anyone know, I was dying on the inside. I felt like I was constantly being held together by a single strand of cheap thread. I was suffering in silence, like so many Black women.

Depression is not always about being heavily medicated or being labeled as mentally ill. I have not had any episodes of depression that required counseling/therapy but I love the fact that I am a Black woman that is strong enough to recognize when I need help and how to seek assistance. I don’t look for approval from anyone because I understand that I have to do what’s best for me. I cannot be a strong woman if I am too weak to ask for help.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255

Available 24 hours everyday

“Grief is depression in proportion to circumstance; depression is grief out of proportion to circumstance.”–Unknown

Unmarried, Educated and OK!

I have been meaning to get back to my blogging for months but work has had me extremely stressed and tired lately. My Facebook memories reminded me of an article I came across last year that stated that black women who are college educated are least likely to have a well-educated spouse. First, let me say that there is a major difference between being well educated and highly intelligent. Some of the most intelligent people I know have not been afforded the opportunity to receive formal education.

Back to this article (found on, which states that “a large percentage of Black women with college degrees remain unmarried because they seek to only wed a Black, educated man.” To me, that says that Black women don’t stand a chance at a marriage unless they have low standards or club a man over the head like a cave woman. While I agree that the marriage rates among White educated females and Black educated females is drastically disproportionate, I do not believe that I should have to compromise my standards or “dumb myself down” to find a partner that can bring just as much to the table if not more.

When considering the marriage rate among college educated Black women and college educated White women, you must consider the following:

  • The reason White women go to college is usually to get a husband and the degree is secondary. It’s not something that is often discussed but when you spend your dorm years with White female peers you pay attention and observe things. Based on my experience, at a predominately White university, White women seek degrees in fields that will put them in the best position to interact with men who are striving for success. Let’s not get into that whole white privilege thing. I have actually been told by some of my non-melanated female friends that they went to college with the goal of getting a husband but if they didn’t, they would have a degree to fall back on.
  • The reason Black women go to college is because we are often raised (and I am speaking from my personal experiences and the experiences of my close friends) in families full of Black women who are single mothers taking care of things alone. We are not often given the option of going to college to find husbands because we know that we are either on scholarship, cannot afford to waste our financial aid or cannot afford to rack up student loans without being successful. As young Black women, we are taught and conditioned not to depend on anyone and we go to college to survive in a world that may or may not include a husband. Education in a Black household is more about self-preservation and less about finding a spouse. As a matter of fact, I can recall being told not to let “no nappy headed ass little boy distract me.”
  • The stigma attached to black women who are highly educated and successful is more negative that of our White or Latina female peers. Society chooses to feed into the idea that black women are hard, unwilling to compromise, reluctant to submit, loud and angry. Media chooses to focus on those Black female images that are negative (as shown on every reality show on BET, MTV and VH1) with little or no balance to what our reality actually looks like.

As it relates to interracial marriages, you have to consider the past. I know, I know… I know. The past is in the past and we should leave it there with Black Jesus, Egyptian Kings and Queens and slavery. In this case, you have to consider where our people, that is Black people, have come from in terms of how we view each other in intimate relationships. For a very long time there was the mentality that “WHITE is right,” that was spoon fed to us like Mary Poppins’ proverbial “spoon full of sugar.” During slavery, our men were taken from us, bedded by White women and killed in return. Let me remind you all that Emmett Till’s accuser recently admitted to lying about the incident that caused a 14 year old child to be brutalized and murdered. 50+ years later and this woman admits to what Black people have known all along, and there are seemingly no consequences. The fact that she was taken at her word just because she was White says a lot about the times they were living in and the fact that nobody seemed to care that she admitted the lie in 2016 says a lot about how little society has changed. But I digress…

Now let me remind you of how these same slave plantation owners that whipped, demoralized and emasculated our men continued to rape our women ( in front of their men) and used them as a tool to create more Black slaves. In this history, one could conclude that white women were the unattainable prize on this pedestal for Black men and Black women were over sexed, angry and insatiable baby machines to white men. Some Black people still have the remnants of that slave mentality and strive to attain the things that they were conditioned to believe they were unworthy of for so many years (education, money, White women, etc).

As a Black woman, I am perturbed at how we always have to be criticized, analyzed, dissected, labeled and explained as if we are a mental illness. Last year when I read this article I felt defeated and saddened by how I was being generalized because I am a Black woman with a degree and planning to get several more. This year when I read it I felt empowered to go against the data and prove the research wrong. Personally, I see myself marrying a strong, black educated man who appreciates having a strong, black, educated woman by his side.

…the hereafter is a hustle. We want it NOW!

Yesterday I was in a fog. I heard his name and did not pay attention to it. Alton Sterling… Alton Sterling… Alton Sterling. I was doing a million things trying to earn my paycheck and didn’t even have time to check FB, much less watch the news. By the time I made it home last night I heard a bit of buzz about a black man killed in Louisiana by the police and the body camera fell… or something. I didn’t think much of it and it’s a shame that a black man being killed by a white cop doesn’t even surprise me anymore.

I woke up rested and ready to take on the world. Much like every American with a social media addiction, the very first thing I do when I wake up is check my Facebook. This morning the first thing I read was someone saying that they could not bring themselves to watch another video of a black man being killed on the internet. The very second thing I saw was the video of this man being killed, of which I scrolled right past. I refuse to watch because I feel that videos like that are disrespectful to the family members of this man. I don’t believe in making a video go viral of a King being shot to death by the very same people who took an oath to serve and protect. Well, where is the protection? When are all people going to be protected and treated
with respect?

Let me tell you what I did watch…

I watched this man’s 15 year old child grieve for his father in a voice that was full of pain, sorrow, hurt and love. I can still hear that child’s cries in the back of my head and unlike a lot of my friend’s and followers, I am not in tears. I am not crying. I am not sad. I am not melancholy. I AM PISSED OFF. I AM ENRAGED. I AM DOWN RIGHT BIG MAD!

It is a sad sad day when Jesse Williams’ speech gets more attention from racist whites than the black men and women who are losing their lives. Driving to work, my blood was boiling because I cannot understand how people expect us to believe that skittles, loose squares, loud music, failing to use a FUCKING turn signal, a wallet and CD’s are justifiable reasons to take our lives? Carrying a gun in an open carry state is NOT a reason to kill a black man but can shoot a white man poppin rounds at cops in the leg. I can’t even get my words to make sense right now because I am so angry.

I am angry at white people who don’t see us as people but as black people. I am angry at our justice system for validating this weak ass belief that black lives don’t matter. I am angry at the social media activist arguing with the social media racists and thinking something will change. We can make a million memes that urge people to STAY WOKE and PRAY for (insert name of whichever black life lost you choose), but a meme and a prayer won’t solve anything. At the end of the day, staying woke is pointless if you’re not getting up and putting some action to it. It’s time to wake up, rise up and change up our mentality. As a people, we can come together and accomplish so much but with the crabs in a barrel mentality we will remain disposable, expendable and invisible. I will just drop this right here for y’all… 

We’ve been floating this country on credit for centuries, yo, and we’re done watching and waiting while this invention called whiteness uses and abuses us, burying black people out of sight and out of mind while extracting our culture, our dollars, our entertainment like oil – black gold, ghettoizing and demeaning our creations then stealing them, gentrifying our genius and then trying us on like costumes before discarding our bodies like rinds of strange fruit. The thing is though… the thing is that just because we’re magic doesn’t mean we’re not real.”

—Jesse Williams


Invisible Girl

When you’re used to living in a world where no one believes in you, no one supports you and no one nurtures you… you become invisible. You dream the dreams of dreamers and you work towards your goals. You achieve those goals and all of a sudden, everyone is so proud of you. The are proud of your accomplishment but they don’t know your journey because you were invisible. While the world moved around you, you just existed as an invisible person who often went unnoticed. You learned to love through pain and you learned to laugh in that moment just before crying. When you feel like no one in the world TRULY knows you, you become invisible. When you realize that you walk through life surrounded by selfishness, you stay invisible because your visibility only matters when it is useful. You’re invisible when you realize that there is not one person who bothers to really check on you. Not a “hey, how you doing?” but a “how is your spirit, how is your soul?” When you spend time motivating people, caring for people, supporting people, loving people and nurturing people… you become invisible. When your life revolves around other people’s happiness and the joy you can help others receive, you become invisible. But at some point, you have to learn to see yourself. You live your dreams and stop caring about how and if other people care enough to see you, nurture you, support you or applaud you. You become happy being in a lonely and invisible place. Once you step into the light of invisibility, people will begin to see you.

Good Fruit Comes from Strong Roots!

As I sit here watching the remake of Roots, I am also scrolling through various social media sites and I cannot fathom how people can continue to say they are boycotting this movie or writing it off as “another slave film.” When I heard that the remake of Roots would be airing this Memorial Day, I watched the original movie. I wanted to be able to compare the two appropriately.

I particularly want to touch on the video that Snoop Dogg put on social media about how he was not watching Roots and why don’t our people tell other stories. I was amused by the video because Snoop Dogg or Snoop Lion, or whatever the hell he is calling himself, is the quintessential pot calling the kettle black. How DARE Snoop, who has been in the public eye for almost 3 decades, question how other influential people portray black people? What has Snoop done to portray our people in a positive light? How many stories of African Kings and Queens has Snoop told? How many stereotypes has Snoop perpetuated through his music and movies? Two words to answer these questions… Soul Plane! That is all! He has made millions rapping about weed, liquor and naked bitches while raising a passel full of children who need to get a sense of their history from places other than upper crust suburban private school teachers who don’t give a damn if his children know their true history. Now Snoop isn’t the only celebrity that feels this way but his video has the most attention today. Watching that video made me think about that scene in Poetic Justice when Lucky told Chicago to stop trying to down a nigga when he wasn’t doing shit productive. Niggas always trying to criticize somebody else’s work when their own shit is raggedy.

While Roots is absolutely another slave film and touches on sensitive subjects, I  cannot imagine never having seen this movie. Any American with a drop of African blood needs to see this movie and understand the story. The pride in Kunta Kinte, the undying support of Belle, the motherly love in Kizzy and the determination in Chicken George. These characters are who they are because of their history and because of the importance of passing down that history through their stories.
If you cannot articulate to your children where they came from and the power in their blood, how will they ever understand the idea that they are Kings and Queens? I only wish more of our families had passed on the personal family histories so that we could share with each other the greatness of our people.

If you are a black man or woman and you don’t think this film needs attention then you are an ignorant fool who is living with blinders on. The importance of the remake is to try to get the attention of the younger generation because they are the ones that we are constantly losing because they have NO self esteem. People are saying that slave movies like Roots are made to keep that slave mentality ingrained in black folks but if all you are receiving is the negativity then what do you expect. If you cannot see the Phoenix rising from the ashes is Roots then perhaps you should see the original and read the book. Instead of looking for a film, book, article, video or celebrity to enlighten your children and nurture their self esteem, why not take the opportunity to watch difficult movies and read difficult books with them in order to teach them how to think, formulate opinions and gain a greater understanding of the people from which they came?

Don’t leave it up to society to teach our people about their history, good and bad. Understand that reality is reality, from the Pharaohs in Egypt to Barack Hussein Obama. You can’t fully enjoy the fruit of the tree without appreciating the strength of the ROOTS!