Tag Archives: Black Pride

Black Girl Magic and Misery!

“Black Girl Magic is a rallying call of recognition. Embedded in the everyday is a magnificence that is so easy to miss because we’re so mired in the struggle and what society says we are.” – Ava Duvernay

I guess my permanent “resting bitch face” was on hiatus today. This morning as I was leaving the gym (leg day is a bitch, ain’t it?), this handsome black guy held the door for me and told me that I smelled like Black Girl Magic and Misery. He instantly chuckled as I whipped around to call him and his greasy greasy grandmammy (because in my head she instantly became that) some 4-letter words. I’m sure my face was that of a lioness on the prowl because he took a step back and asked if he could explain.

This man proceeded to tell me that black women are the only race of women that will “take a black man to task and call him on his bullshit.” I told him that I know women who are not black who will do that. By then, I’m getting offended because this fine specimen already told me my cocoa butter smells like Black Girl Magic and Misery but now he was feeding into the black women are bitter bitches ideology. He responded by saying that other women may do it but a black woman will break a man down and continue to love and support their men while she prays for God to build him back up.

This man went on to tell me how he admires the strength of black women. He remembers the cocoa butter scent on his mother when she was whopping him which brought him plenty of misery, but how the scent of his wife’s natural hair products (juices and berries is what he called them) reminds him of the magic born into black women. He said that my scent was a perfect mixture of both.

Now at this point, the brother got me cheesing, blushing and sniffing like a cokehead to see what I smelled like but then he walked off on me like he had just dropped the mic!

I’ve been thinking about that 3 minute interaction all day and I must admit that it motivates me to want to be a better woman to our men. It reaffirmed to me that, as a black woman, I should not feel guilty about expecting greatness from our boys and men. Sometimes I wonder if we set unrealistic expectations for black men because they have SOOOOO much to deal with in the world on a daily basis. However, I feel like there is no other race of men that can survive the things black men face and make it look as effortless.

So tomorrow when I put on my cocoa butter (even though I loathe the smell) and spray my juices and berries in my hair I will be reminded that to whom much is given, much is required. I will use my Black Girl Magic and Misery to cultivate some Black Boy Joy and Strength!


AmeriKKKa: Land of the Free, Home of the Mentally Enslaved!

I spend my days saving babies but imagine if I only saved the black ones. Imagine me going to the hospital and allowing a white meth addict to take her drug exposed infant home while I use every resource in my rolodex to save the little brown baby whose mother is stable, healthy and wealthy. Imagine if I turned a blind eye to the little white girl whose father has been molesting her and she cries out to me for help. I would be wrong, wouldn’t I? I save lives for a living and I don’t pick and choose who has more value because all lives are worth saving. This weekend I saw a photo floating around on Instagram of a little girl in a KKK uniform standing in front of a black police officer in riot gear. This child looked to be about 3 or 4 years old and my first thought was, if I were there I would have pushed her down. Then I had to remind myself that she is the type of child that needs saving.

We grew up being taught “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Sticks and stone may break bones but words can break a spirit. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a text from a good friend that said he choked a white man out and almost killed him because the man used the term nigger. My first instinct was to say a prayer that my friend was still alive, and not sitting in the county jail, to text me. Now let me tell you that this particular friend is so mild mannered and loves people the way I love people… unconditionally. For him to have snapped I know that he had just reached his “Fuck This,” point. The “Fuck This” point is when you have taken all that you can take and refuse to take anymore. When you get to that point where you snap and refuse to be disrespected any longer. We’ve all been there and will probably be there again. Living in a world where being Black makes you insignificant will do it to you every time. I really stared at my phone for a long time trying to think of how to respond to my friend and let him know that he is not alone in his frustrations. I was really at a loss for words because I didn’t feel bad for the man that got choked and I hoped that the experience will make him think twice the next time he wants to call someone a nigger.

I have been struggling watching the news coverage of the terrorism in Charlottesville Virginia all weekend. I have recently removed myself from most social media and disconnected my television because the world we live in sucks the life out of me. As much as I try to decompress and pretend that the world is full of rainbows and unicorns, growing up with Black skin had shown me otherwise. Living south of the Mason Dixon line the past few years has taught me that I am still a color and that nigger is still a term that cuts deep. No matter how much education I have, how articulate I am, how successful I become or how kind I am to all people I will still be a nigger to those that choose to hate and to those that were seasoned to view me as less than because I am black.

What bothers me about the United States is that the media chooses to feed into the negativity and encourage the stereotypes while ignoring anything positive that may actually bring people together. When they refer to black peaceful protesters, they are always “thugs” or “urban.” When they are talking about these white KKKlansmen, they are “white nationalist.” The media makes these white thugs sound like they are patriots doing it for the American people, as if my black ass isn’t an American. The media encourages the destruction of people and we are too stupid to recognize that the images being spoon fed to us are intentional and deliberate.

What bothers me more is the “it’s not my neighborhood so I don’t care” attitudes of black people. A post on social media and people feel like they’ve done their due diligence regarding racism, bigotry and prejudice in America, not realizing that for every social media post you make, there are three robes and matching hoods being sewn. For every “twitter beef,” started, there is a meeting being held for these hate groups on how to get rid of us all together. But what’s even worse is that behind these hoods are your teachers, doctors, police officers, congressmen, car salesmen, bankers, firefighters, attorneys and judges. They are hiding in plain sight and black people are too busy poppin ass on social media or trying to “stay woke,” rather than paying attention to what’s in our face. We are teaching our children that it is ok to be made to feel inferior because they are black and that there is nothing to do but accept it or tweet about it.

Have you ever read The Willie Lynch Letter (https://archive.org/stream/WillieLynchLetter1712/the_willie_lynch_letter_the_making_of_a_slave_1712_djvu.txt)? It was written in 1712 and outlines the process of breaking a slave into submission for life and how they will continue to live in mental confinement and continue the cycle of inferiority for hundreds or thousands of years. There was a time when we had great leaders who were working on reconditioning our people to get us away from the Willie Lynch mentality. Yet the media, in the last 20-30 years, has been acting as the overseers and recreating the modern day Willie Lynch mentality. The three main parts of the process are:

  • Turning our people against one another (men against women, young against old, light against dark)
  • Breaking the black woman so that she may be dependent of the slave master and ingrain in her a fear that leads her to teach her boys to be submissive and mentally weak for survival purposes.
  • Tear apart the black family to ensure that the women and children are unprotected and boys are raised to be physically strong and mentally weak while the black man is separated from his family and emasculated because he feels useless.

If you cannot look at the black community today and realize that we are continuing the cycle (without much help) then you are roaming through life with blinders on. I see black people as being so self-centered in today’s society. Everyone is trying to advance and make money for themselves and their children. They are trying to experience the finer things in life without realizing that it all comes at a cost and that the cost is the seasoning of the black mind and the breaking of black people. Who controls the money that they are chasing? Whites. Who determines your salaries? Whites. Who decides who gets what small business loans and how many taxes are owed? Whites. Sure they may have a black poster child to make you falsely believe you can trust them, similar to the way black slaves were made overseers. These smiling black faces feel like they have attained a position of power and choose to remind those under them that they have it (pitting us against each other).

So when I see my people feeling like the incident in Charlottesville Virginia has nothing to do with them, I want them to understand that it is all a part of the process and that mentality is catalyst that allows the KKK to feel like they have the right to look us in the eyes and call us nigger, whore, monkey, tar baby and any other derogatory epithet they feel like spewing at that moment. What bothers me are the white people who swear that they are not racist yet spend all their time telling black people to get like Elsa and Let It Go! Not acknowledging the issue is the biggest part of the issue.

Our nation has come a long way, since slavery, to make it appear that we live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. However, seeing people on the television wearing hoods and robes like it’s the hottest thing on the 2017 NY Fashion Week runway is disturbing. Hearing the media call them “white nationalists” and protesters rather than using words that ACCURATELY describe them like “thug” or terrorist because that’s exactly what a group of people seeking to incite fear as a means of gaining control or power.

At some point, black people are going to have to realize that we are doing nothing more than continuing to break ourselves and season our children into that inferiority attitude. We have to learn that mental strength is more powerful than physical strength and that strengthening our minds and our spirits will make it much easier to strengthen our bodies. Once we understand this notion, we can begin to break the mental chains and embrace the need for more “FUCK THIS” moments.

Unmarried, Educated and OK!


I have been meaning to get back to my blogging for months but work has had me extremely stressed and tired lately. My Facebook memories reminded me of an article I came across last year that stated that black women who are college educated are least likely to have a well-educated spouse. First, let me say that there is a major difference between being well educated and highly intelligent. Some of the most intelligent people I know have not been afforded the opportunity to receive formal education.

Back to this article (found on diversityinc.com), which states that “a large percentage of Black women with college degrees remain unmarried because they seek to only wed a Black, educated man.” To me, that says that Black women don’t stand a chance at a marriage unless they have low standards or club a man over the head like a cave woman. While I agree that the marriage rates among White educated females and Black educated females is drastically disproportionate, I do not believe that I should have to compromise my standards or “dumb myself down” to find a partner that can bring just as much to the table if not more.

When considering the marriage rate among college educated Black women and college educated White women, you must consider the following:

  • The reason White women go to college is usually to get a husband and the degree is secondary. It’s not something that is often discussed but when you spend your dorm years with White female peers you pay attention and observe things. Based on my experience, at a predominately White university, White women seek degrees in fields that will put them in the best position to interact with men who are striving for success. Let’s not get into that whole white privilege thing. I have actually been told by some of my non-melanated female friends that they went to college with the goal of getting a husband but if they didn’t, they would have a degree to fall back on.
  • The reason Black women go to college is because we are often raised (and I am speaking from my personal experiences and the experiences of my close friends) in families full of Black women who are single mothers taking care of things alone. We are not often given the option of going to college to find husbands because we know that we are either on scholarship, cannot afford to waste our financial aid or cannot afford to rack up student loans without being successful. As young Black women, we are taught and conditioned not to depend on anyone and we go to college to survive in a world that may or may not include a husband. Education in a Black household is more about self-preservation and less about finding a spouse. As a matter of fact, I can recall being told not to let “no nappy headed ass little boy distract me.”
  • The stigma attached to black women who are highly educated and successful is more negative that of our White or Latina female peers. Society chooses to feed into the idea that black women are hard, unwilling to compromise, reluctant to submit, loud and angry. Media chooses to focus on those Black female images that are negative (as shown on every reality show on BET, MTV and VH1) with little or no balance to what our reality actually looks like.

As it relates to interracial marriages, you have to consider the past. I know, I know… I know. The past is in the past and we should leave it there with Black Jesus, Egyptian Kings and Queens and slavery. In this case, you have to consider where our people, that is Black people, have come from in terms of how we view each other in intimate relationships. For a very long time there was the mentality that “WHITE is right,” that was spoon fed to us like Mary Poppins’ proverbial “spoon full of sugar.” During slavery, our men were taken from us, bedded by White women and killed in return. Let me remind you all that Emmett Till’s accuser recently admitted to lying about the incident that caused a 14 year old child to be brutalized and murdered. 50+ years later and this woman admits to what Black people have known all along, and there are seemingly no consequences. The fact that she was taken at her word just because she was White says a lot about the times they were living in and the fact that nobody seemed to care that she admitted the lie in 2016 says a lot about how little society has changed. But I digress…

Now let me remind you of how these same slave plantation owners that whipped, demoralized and emasculated our men continued to rape our women ( in front of their men) and used them as a tool to create more Black slaves. In this history, one could conclude that white women were the unattainable prize on this pedestal for Black men and Black women were over sexed, angry and insatiable baby machines to white men. Some Black people still have the remnants of that slave mentality and strive to attain the things that they were conditioned to believe they were unworthy of for so many years (education, money, White women, etc).

As a Black woman, I am perturbed at how we always have to be criticized, analyzed, dissected, labeled and explained as if we are a mental illness. Last year when I read this article I felt defeated and saddened by how I was being generalized because I am a Black woman with a degree and planning to get several more. This year when I read it I felt empowered to go against the data and prove the research wrong. Personally, I see myself marrying a strong, black educated man who appreciates having a strong, black, educated woman by his side.

Good Fruit Comes from Strong Roots!

As I sit here watching the remake of Roots, I am also scrolling through various social media sites and I cannot fathom how people can continue to say they are boycotting this movie or writing it off as “another slave film.” When I heard that the remake of Roots would be airing this Memorial Day, I watched the original movie. I wanted to be able to compare the two appropriately.

I particularly want to touch on the video that Snoop Dogg put on social media about how he was not watching Roots and why don’t our people tell other stories. I was amused by the video because Snoop Dogg or Snoop Lion, or whatever the hell he is calling himself, is the quintessential pot calling the kettle black. How DARE Snoop, who has been in the public eye for almost 3 decades, question how other influential people portray black people? What has Snoop done to portray our people in a positive light? How many stories of African Kings and Queens has Snoop told? How many stereotypes has Snoop perpetuated through his music and movies? Two words to answer these questions… Soul Plane! That is all! He has made millions rapping about weed, liquor and naked bitches while raising a passel full of children who need to get a sense of their history from places other than upper crust suburban private school teachers who don’t give a damn if his children know their true history. Now Snoop isn’t the only celebrity that feels this way but his video has the most attention today. Watching that video made me think about that scene in Poetic Justice when Lucky told Chicago to stop trying to down a nigga when he wasn’t doing shit productive. Niggas always trying to criticize somebody else’s work when their own shit is raggedy.

While Roots is absolutely another slave film and touches on sensitive subjects, I  cannot imagine never having seen this movie. Any American with a drop of African blood needs to see this movie and understand the story. The pride in Kunta Kinte, the undying support of Belle, the motherly love in Kizzy and the determination in Chicken George. These characters are who they are because of their history and because of the importance of passing down that history through their stories.
If you cannot articulate to your children where they came from and the power in their blood, how will they ever understand the idea that they are Kings and Queens? I only wish more of our families had passed on the personal family histories so that we could share with each other the greatness of our people.

If you are a black man or woman and you don’t think this film needs attention then you are an ignorant fool who is living with blinders on. The importance of the remake is to try to get the attention of the younger generation because they are the ones that we are constantly losing because they have NO self esteem. People are saying that slave movies like Roots are made to keep that slave mentality ingrained in black folks but if all you are receiving is the negativity then what do you expect. If you cannot see the Phoenix rising from the ashes is Roots then perhaps you should see the original and read the book. Instead of looking for a film, book, article, video or celebrity to enlighten your children and nurture their self esteem, why not take the opportunity to watch difficult movies and read difficult books with them in order to teach them how to think, formulate opinions and gain a greater understanding of the people from which they came?

Don’t leave it up to society to teach our people about their history, good and bad. Understand that reality is reality, from the Pharaohs in Egypt to Barack Hussein Obama. You can’t fully enjoy the fruit of the tree without appreciating the strength of the ROOTS!