Yesterday I was talking with my good good girlfriend and we started discussing how cheaters don’t consider the emotional ramifications of their actions. As a woman, I can only speak from a female perspective. I’m not male bashing but I’m going to be real about my opinions, which are based on my personal experiences and observations. Any time someone breaks up with you, you wonder what you could have done differently but when a man consciously does something that they know could potentially end the relationship, why do we still wonder what WE did wrong? I cried a thousand rivers over my ex and wondered how I can make myself better to make him want me. It took me a long time to understand that no matter what I did, I would never be able to make him stay home because he didn’t see the value of what he had. I realized that I allowed a man with no self-esteem allow me to diminish mine.
As a woman, the first thing you think about when you get cheated on is “what did I do wrong?” We spend a lot of time trying to figure out why we weren’t good enough, if we didn’t love hard enough, if we were not pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, freaky enough, domestic enough, independent enough, emotional enough, outspoken enough, submissive enough, supportive enough and many other enoughs?
Why is it that a man can go out and stick his peena weena in a bunch of different hot pockets and we are left crying, disappointed, hurt and wondering what we did to cause this bad behavior? Internally we think about it constantly. It weighs us down, it gets into our spirit and it creates self-doubt like a big dog. More than that, it effects the way we view love and relationships and it often hinders us from making smart decisions about who we choose to build relationships with. That self-doubt and suspicion not only effects how we view the opposite sex, but it effects the bonds we build with women.
I am a woman that has never had low self-esteem and I never thought I would be the woman left asking what I did to make a man cheat, or why wasn’t I good enough to make a man stay? Now, let’s not get the game twisted… that is a natural reaction and it ALWAYS crosses your mind in the hours immediately following a break-up, regardless of the cause. I remember in my mid-twenties searching for a way to break things off with a guy that I just wasn’t compatible with but before I could formulate my approach, he dumped my ass like it was trash day. I immediately went to that “what did I do wrong place?” Despite the fact that this was a man I did not want, did not need and I knew did not deserve what I had to offer. I spent a few hours cursing and looking stupid about being left but hey, that’s natural. However, if you spend days, weeks and months with those thoughts, girlfriend you need to spend some time with yourself and rebuild your self-worth.
Men need to really understand the psychological and emotional damage that they are doing to their families when they are out here spreading their seed and measuring their own self-worth by the number of vaginas they have been inside and how many babies they can make. How does it make your women feel knowing that they are just not enough? How does it make your children feel knowing that they have siblings that they don’t know because their father is too busy chasing tail than being a man. It just seems that men get their feelings hurt (usually once when they are too young to even know what heartbreak is) and swear off doing right by all women as a result. But is it Mary’s fault at 25 years old that Linda broke your heart in the 9th grade bruh? Is it Bianca’s responsibility to pay for the mistakes of Ericka? At some point, as a man you have to learn how to manage your emotions and heal before you move on. It’s not always easy but it’s necessary. Especially if you’re the type of brother that is always telling a woman that he won’t pay for another man’s mistakes… without even realizing that he has left a string of women heartbroken and with a wet ass because of a woman doing him wrong ONE time way back when. You all see these women as angry black bitches or damaged little girls and often don’t realize that a man just like yourself has contributed to that damage.
As much as men need to get their shit together, women also have to accept responsibility and understand that you have to be able to articulate your expectations and be strong enough to walk away from the disrespect. If you accept a man cheating for years upon years with more women than you can count, why are you packing up your glad rags when he brings home an STD or a baby? You cannot give the type of mixed signals indicative of cheating as being manageable behavior but leaving when the things that naturally occur when a man is sticking a moving happens to your man. Women have to stop walking around like they are sitting on platinum pwussy and that it is going to keep a man coming home.
Ladies, you have to stop jumping from relationship to relationship because you end up dating the same man with different faces. Your problems in the relationship may be different. Randy might have been a cheater, Ronnie might have been a liar, Ricky may have been abusive but the root of their issues are usually always the same. They don’t know how to receive love and if they cannot receive love they cannot give love to anyone else. Most importantly, a person who does not love his/herself cannot possibly love you the way we all deserve to be loved.
Allowing yourself to be bitter and angry as a result of your pain is the exact same as men not caring how they treat women as a result of their pain. Healing takes time and effort but it is worth it in the end. Healing from the pain of a loss is necessary for your own growth and well-being. It’s not healthy to continually take in negativity and live with bitterness, anger, resentment and pain. Those thing kill your spirit and depletes your energy and adds to your baggage. Constantly weighing yourself down with unnecessary stress is not worth it. Why live a life of misery when you can grow through the pain and live peacefully and happily!?!